A Breakup Should Teach You These Five Lessons

Heartbroken Girl

Everyone wishes they have love. Love that can survive all obstacles against it. Love that is the envy of others. Love that can last forever. Just like in fairy tales.

But it’s not news that sometimes such wishes are only left to the imagination in the end. A “disaster” destroys the relationship.

Okay. The breakup may not have been your fault. You may really have been a sweetheart in the relationship in the truest sense of the word. But whether it was your fault or not, some lessons can still be learned.

And it’s not just a breakup alone that can teach us a thing or two about life. Every other seemingly bad situation can. It doesn’t matter whether it was a fair loss or a just one.

In fact, John Maxwell’s book puts it perfectly:

“Sometimes We Win, Sometimes We Learn.”

That’s perfect. It could have been “Sometimes We Win, Sometimes We Lose.” But Maxwell’s heading conveys the fact that our losses are actually lessons in life. Every loss is an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to be refined.

In a relationship, it can be called a win if it survives turbulent times and ends up in whatever goal the two partners had for it (always marriage for me). If it’s a marriage, it’s a win when the couple wades through tough times together, rear their kids together and watch them grow into adults and eventually the couple is separated in death (still my take on marriage).

Now the point is this: the demise of a relationship is a loss and every loss is a lesson. What lessons can the loss of a relationship teach us? Here are five of them:

  1. Life isn’t fair

This is common knowledge but one that slips off our minds sometimes in tragic circumstances. We are prone to asking “why me?” in tragic circumstances. But it could have been anyone. The breakup could have happened to anybody.

So it doesn’t mean that because you’ve been a faithful partner your partner will be faithful too. It doesn’t mean that because you take your relationship seriously the other person will too. And it doesn’t mean that if your last relationship was bad, the next person you’ll meet won’t take advantage of you. That’s life for you.

Deal with it.

  1. Good things come to an end

Yeah, right.

You enjoyed your high school days and wished it did not end? I did too, but sorry, you can’t be in high school forever.

You loved your youthful looks and how much strength you had when you were younger? Sorry, but you can’t be young forever.

You enjoyed your relationship and still have fond memories of it? Sorry, the relationship was going to end anyways. The best you can have is death separating both of you….

I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound rude or indifferent. I know how painful a breakup is. And I’m not in any way trying to dismiss your feelings.

But you must keep moving on. Life won’t wait for you to wallow in how much you miss your former relationship.

It’s difficult, but move on to the next phase of your life. They say nothing lasts forever, if you believe that, you must realize even good times come to an end.

  1. Everybody Can’t Like You

Maybe you had a kind of relationship where you fell in love at first sight. But the closer you got to each other, the more you realized he or she possessed certain traits you did not like.

Maybe you’ve always been the darling of the opposite sex. Men or women have always found it easy to get along with you. But just this once, someone did not find you that attractive. Someone broke your heart. Someone did not care if every member of the opposite sex would die just for a chance to talk to you.

Face it. No matter how cool you think you are, everybody cannot like you. You’ll always turn off some people out there no matter how hard you try. Even if you’re really willing to die for them, you still won’t matter.

It’s a sad fact. Unfortunately, it’s a prospect many people never learn to face well. It’s been said earlier, there’s no guarantee he’ll not leave you even if you have to swim through a shark-infested ocean to get to him daily.

And it’s not your fault. No matter how hard you try, everyone can’t like you. That’s normal. It’s not fair, life isn’t fair.

Sometimes it’s not always about life. Sometimes it’s about you.

And that’s the next lesson.


  1. There’s always room for improvement in our lives

Your ex may have left because he or she couldn’t put up with a trait you had. To you, your behavior was normal, but someone else did not think so.

Sometimes the complaint may have been justified. You may have felt you’re a very caring person, but your ex made you realize you don’t know what caring about someone means. Maybe she eventually leaves because you don’t care enough about her.

Harsh, isn’t it?

Take it or leave it, in whatever we do in life, there’s always room for improvement. You have to constantly try to be a better person. Today, you should be better than you were yesterday. Tomorrow’s version of you should be better than today’s version of you.

A breakup can make you a better person. A better person for your next partner. But it’s your choice. Your choice to improve your life or not.

I can’t say it enough: “Nobody is perfect.”

  1. Love isn’t enough to make a relationship last

In the movies or fairy tales as long as a couple love each other, then they shouldn’t worry. If that love is there, any obstacle they face along the way is automatically surmountable. Is that true?

There’s no debate about the fact that every relationship needs love. But love is so over-emphasized by the media, in novels, movies and songs that people forget to work at other qualities that can make their relationship last. They feel if they have love, they have everything.

It’s sad.

Mike Settle put it very well in the lyrics of the 1969 pop hit for Kenny Rogers and The First Edition, But You Know I Love You:

“And how I wish that love

Was all we’d need to live

What a life we’d have

‘Cause I’ve got so much to give

But ya’ know I feel so sad

Down inside my heart

That the dollar sign

Should be keepin’ us apart

But you know that I love you”




But you know we can’t

Live on dreams alone

Got to pay the rent

So I must leave you all alone

‘Cause you know I made my choice many years ago

And now this travelin’ life

Well, it’s the only life I know

But you know that I love you…


The above excerpt from that song plainly shows that even if you have so much love to give your partner, love isn’t all a relationship needs to survive.

If you look closely at the above lyrics, you’ll find that the “dollar sign” (money) can be a problem in a relationship.

Love can’t buy you food. Love can’t buy you clothes. Love can’t pay your rent or buy you a house.

Those things will all matter in a relationship eventually, especially if the couple is considering marriage or are already married.

Or in the case of the singer (narrator, depending on which version you listen to), the demands of a career can also affect a relationship negatively, no matter how much love a couple have.

So, if your breakup wasn’t caused by lack of love between you and your partner (but was still a fault of yours somehow), you should work hard to ensure whatever caused it doesn’t rear its ugly head in your next relationship.

Are you ready to learn?

Life itself is a teacher, the more we live, the more we’ll to learn. And life doesn’t always give straightforward lessons. Every experience we have in life contain lessons for us, whether a positive or negative experience.

Even a breakup can help us learn invaluable lessons about life. The only question is: will you learn?

I know you will.


I believe I’ve not mentioned every lesson a breakup can teach. What other lessons do you think you’ve learned from a breakup? Share in the comments below.

Unsure of what to believe after a breakup? Read this.

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